How do I avoid pushing my own path onto a mentee?
Every mentor carries a model of how careers work, built from a sample size of one. It is useful, and it is also the main thing that makes advice go wrong.
- Read time
- 4 minutes
- Module
- Mentoring well, long term
- Session length
- 30 minutes
What good looks like.
Separate what worked for you from what is required. A degree, an unpaid internship or a move to a capital city may have been your route without being the route.
Watch for advice that quietly assumes money, family support, mobility, or a particular accent. Much conventional career advice does.
Ask about constraints before advising. Caring responsibilities, finances and visa status change what is realistic, and mentees rarely volunteer them.
A sequence you can follow.
- 01
Name your route
Say how you got in and that it is one example.
- 02
Ask about constraints
What would make a plan impossible for you?
- 03
Offer more than one path
At least two, with honest trade-offs.
- 04
Check ambition, not fit
Ask what they want before deciding what suits them.
What to avoid.
Suggesting unpaid work as a neutral option
Assuming relocation is available
Steering people towards roles that match their background rather than their ambition
Extra tips
Small things that make the half hour better.
Say your route was one route
Frame your path as an example, never the standard.
Ask about their constraints
Caring duties, money and visas change which advice is realistic.
Drop the unpaid-internship advice
It quietly filters out anyone who cannot afford to work for free.
Notice who you find impressive
Confidence and polish are not the same as capability.
Take this guide with you.
Download a printable version of this guide: the short answer, the steps, the extra tips, the mistakes to avoid and the questions mentors ask, to read before your next session.
The things people ask first.
What if their goal seems out of reach?
Be honest about the odds and specific about what would improve them. Do not quietly redirect them.
Next: After the session.
Five minutes of follow-through doubles the value of the half hour.