How do I give feedback that helps rather than deflates?
The most common failure in mentoring is not harshness. It is vagueness dressed up as encouragement, which leaves the mentee exactly where they started.
- Read time
- 4 minutes
- Module
- Core skills
- Session length
- 30 minutes
What good looks like.
Be specific about the thing, not the person. "This bullet describes a duty rather than a result" is usable. "This is a bit weak" is not.
Give one big piece of feedback rather than nine small ones. People act on one thing and freeze in front of nine.
Say what you would do next, in the first person. It makes the advice concrete and keeps it as your view rather than a verdict.
A sequence you can follow.
- 01
Ask what they want feedback on
Consent makes the rest land.
- 02
Name the single biggest issue
Clearly, in one sentence.
- 03
Show the better version
Rewrite one line with them so they see the pattern.
- 04
Check it landed
Ask them to say back what they will change.
What to avoid.
The compliment sandwich; nobody hears the middle
Listing everything wrong in one go
Feedback with no example of what better looks like
Extra tips
Small things that make the half hour better.
Be specific about one thing
One clear change beats five vague observations.
Ask permission first
"Do you want the blunt version?" almost always gets a yes, and lands better.
Describe the effect, not the person
"This paragraph made me stop reading" is usable; "you are unclear" is not.
Name what is already working
People cut the good parts when nobody tells them which they are.
Take this guide with you.
Download a printable version of this guide: the short answer, the steps, the extra tips, the mistakes to avoid and the questions mentors ask, to read before your next session.
The things people ask first.
What if their plan is unrealistic?
Say so plainly, then help them find the nearest version that is realistic.
Next: Setting a goal in 30 minutes.
One action, this week, that they can actually do.